Monday, April 13, 2009

The (fake) Kissing Adventures of Me!

It all started a very long time ago, in the only other life I've lived on this earth. I don't actually remember how it happened, or who this guy is but my friend had a camera and emailed me this picture. It is rather lovely.

The first kiss I really remember happened when I was very little. I had a thing for boys in little shorts. It made their legs look spiffing. Actually I think that MY legs look quite spiffing in my little skirt!

After that I learned boys had cooties! I spent months disinfecting myself and it took me years to realize that boys, in fact, do NOT have cooties.

However, it was hard to break the habit of dodging whenever a boy came my way, lips puckered.

To break the habit, I practiced kissing with things between me and my current love. First it was windows.

Then I progressed to fences.

And on to nets.

And when I graduated from nets, I didn't need anything between us for the magic to happen, which everyone knows means rainbows!

And then I went through a period of being Asian....

When I got better, quite a while later, I was a little tired of kissing so I only went as far as hand holding. It was a sweet time.

A few days later, I joined the circus, where I played a a fish clown and I started dating another fish!

This is how we had to go out in public, because people look down upon fish clown love. We could only kiss like this.

That was a rather itchy and wet relationship, therefore it did not last long. We had a rather awkward ending so I had to leave the circus. It was a sad day, full of much less laughter than my days under the big top as a fish clown.

Then, I fell in love with my house painter. It was a messy relationship, to say the least.

I didn't stay with him long, just until the whole house was painted pink. It took me forever to find someone worthy of my kisses after that. I was starting to go through withdrawals. I had no one to kiss myself, but I shoes found their perfect match!

Lucky them!

One day, when the lack of kissing was really getting to my head, I just kind of attacked this poor boy. One second he was just walking by and suddenly we were in a bush....

Soon afterward the boy died.

I haven't kissed a boy since.

The end.

1 comment: