Thursday, November 19, 2009

HELP!

So I was asked to write a piece for the local newspaper on behalf of my church about an act of faith. I need feed back! so far I'm at 217/250 words so I have a some more space in case something is missing. Please let me know what you think! I have until friday!

There are three things that define me: my positive outlook, my mom’s death, and my faith in God.
I believed in Him when I was a kid but I never needed to use my faith. After she died, I still believed and I knew that He had a greater plan. Though I never asked “Why me?” I didn’t know how I could live without her.
Prayer hadn’t crossed my mind until someone made the suggestion but since I knew that God always answered prayers I figured I should try.
Lying in bed with my arms folded over my chest and my eyes shut tightly, I prayed in a whisper. I asked God if he would help me feel better about my mom’s death.
Without moving, I strained to feel something that would let me know he heard me and would help. A burning in my bosom, a feeling of relief, or an angel straight from heaven, I was ready for anything. No answer came.
Then just as I was about to give up and sleep, I heard the faintest whisper of a clear, gentle voice that erased all the fear and tension from my mind and body.
“Yes.”
Though that was all it said, I knew it meant that I’d always have the Lord to help me.


I don't want to end with a big explanation or like "this is how this has changed my life" thing. I want the reader to just KNOW that this moment is how I've been able to go on. I think that for this idea to work though I need to add in more toward the beginning but I don't really know what to say and I don't really like the opening line all that much. So... HELP!!!!

2 comments:

  1. I love it just as you've written it. It has a nice flow and the simple ending is just right. I would agree with you, don't add more to the ending.
    On a different note . . . did you hear Brady is going on a mission? He just got his mission call to Illinois. He leaves in January.

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  2. I think the first sentence should be "There are three things that define me as a person: my positive outlook, my mom's death, and my faith in God."

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